


Meant to be

by liliumweiss



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Captain Swan January Joy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 09:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17485904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliumweiss/pseuds/liliumweiss
Summary: Emma Swan has always wanted to join the Party, it's been one of her dreams since she's been picked to play Anya on the Broadway musical "Anastasia". So when the invitation finally reaches her, Emma is over the moon. It's there that she sees Killian Jones for the first time, his voice capturing her attention while the man slowly manages to capture her heart.Perhaps Princesses don't marry kitchen boys, but what about pirate Captains?





	1. Act I – A girl with no name, and no memories but these

**Author's Note:**

> It’s done. Finally. I’m really, really, really glad it’s over. This fic has been a labour of love for @csjanuaryjoy in so many ways but it’s finally done and I’m definitely happy about it. I want to thank all the lovely ladies in the discord chat, you rock ♥
> 
> It’s a Broadway Princess Party AU I divided in four acts on ao3 and ffnet because, well, it’s almost 20k words long. So, if you rather read it somewhere else than tumblr, I’m going to leave you the links down here. I suggest you go check the BPP playlist by the creator - Benjamin Rauhala - where you’ll also find the songs I used in this fic.
> 
> There might be something legal brought up that it might not even exist so I apologize in advantage for that. Also, whenever Killian sings and mention his brother, it's actually my doing since he would be talking about his father instead and, well, we all know how that's gone.
> 
> Come say hi at my tumblr (darkcolinodonorgasm), I don't bite that much ;)
> 
> Enjoy ♥

There was something to be said about the euphoria coursing through your blood after a performance. Emma knew it very well, yet it still felt strange, almost alien.

You see, Emma Swan, the face and voice of Broadway’s new show _Anastasia_ , had always expected to be nothing, had always _felt_ nothing. That was why her role as Anya was so important to her, because it hit too close to home and made her feel as if she was someone. Of course, she was no princess and she had no grandmother – biologically, of course, she did, but that’s not the point – she could con along with a duo of wonderful men, one of which the love of her life.

Emma snorted at that. _Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen_ , she thought bitterly, keeping out all the thoughts of dull brown eyes and the promise of more and oh, the stolen watches he’d put in her freaking car. Fortunately for her, she had some brain and her super power.

Trying not to kick her shoes off and somewhere in her dressing room she would never find them again – she was indeed respectful of all the people working in the costumes department, thank you very much – Emma let herself fall onto the couch as regally as she could, just wanting to get out of the bright red gown and into a shower and then into bed with her cat on the other pillow.

«Come on,» Ruby said, entering the dressing room, «the sooner you get out of here, the sooner you can get into bed.»

Ruby Lucas was an angel – or the devil, depending on the situation – and she was Emma’s hairstylist/everything. But she wasn’t only that, she was also Emma’s best friend. More than once she’d helped Emma with her actual hair and dragged her to the mall, shopping for dresses and shoes Emma would probably never wear.

Emma groaned from the couch, the crown starting to get heavy on her head and her scalp to hurt. Ruby first helped her out of the ballgown, hanging it carefully next to the blue one. «Alright, work your magic,» she sighed, slipping the heels off her feet and making her way to the chair in front of the mirror. There were nights on which she almost fell asleep as Ruby swiftly removed wig, caps and bobby pins from her hair, the blonde strands falling in curls around her face. Mostly, Emma tried to fight off the tiredness removing her make-up or talking to Ruby, but sometimes she would just doze off.

As usual, her room was filled with fresh flowers and gifts from fans from all over the world sent her. It filled her heart and even made her cry sometimes, people treating her like an actual princess when she wasn’t one at all. At times, it made her feel like a fraud, but some other times, knowing that those same fans _knew_ about her past and didn’t care, that made her heart burst.

Next to the gifts there was always a stack of fan mail she always read, always so grateful for every word the fans sent her. Above it all, though, there was a blue and white envelope with a ribbon and a gemstone holding it to place. Emma raised her eyebrows at the peculiar sight. While many fans went a bit overboard with all the decorations and gifts, she had to admit she’d never received a letter quite like that one.

Curious – and in need not to fall asleep – Emma grabbed the envelope on top and carefully opened it. Behind her, Ruby whistled. «Secret admirer?»

Emma snorted at that. «Yeah, sure, _super_ secret.» Her laughter died when she started to read what was written in the letter. _Holy shit_.

You see, the _Broadway Princess Party_ wasn’t exactly famous, not unless you were a Broadway nerd of sorts, but it was a chance to see actors singing live different songs, mostly from animated movies that didn’t make it to Broadway or their musical version, or even songs from other musicals. Emma knew about the party, but had never been invited to sing. At least, not until that night.

Excited, Emma let out a high-pitched scream that scared Ruby. «Look!» the blond exclaimed, thrusting the invitation right into Ruby’s face. «Look!»

Biting back a laugh at her friend’s excitement, Ruby complied, grabbing Emma wrist to hold it still as she read the invitation. Her eyes widened. «You’re going to let me help you dress up nicely for this. And style your hair! You’re _so_ going to finally hook up with someone during this!»

Of course, of course Ruby would think something like that. Emma couldn’t help the laughed that escaped her lips. «Yeah, yeah, in your dreams, Rubes.»

«That’s your song, girl, not mine,» Ruby retorted, brushing Emma’s hair before putting away everything. «Now get ready for the fans, then you can go snuggle with Odette. God, I miss that girl.»

Emma rolled her eyes. «You’ve seen her two days ago.»

«Two days too long away from her,» Ruby sighed melodramatically, her hand placed upon her heart.

To be fair, Emma couldn’t blame Ruby, her Odette, a white Norwegian Forest cat, was too precious for someone to not love her. Despite her breed, Emma had actually found her in an animal shelter when she’d decided she could afford a little animal she could keep in her apartment. Odette had been there, a fragile little thing someone had abandoned, much like her parents did Emma. That had sealed the deal.

Knowing she had fans waiting to meet her, Emma changed quickly into a pair of leggings, a white long sweater and her favourite boots. Fortunately, it wasn’t too cold anymore, so she could wear her beloved red leather jacket, something her fans had started to associate with her since the show began almost a year ago.

While exiting her dressing room with her arm linked with Ruby’s, the duo met Graham, on his way towards the exit too.

Graham Humbert played Dimitri, and some didn’t understand how good he was because they didn’t know how difficult it was not only talking with an accent that wasn’t yours but also singing with a different accent. It always threw fans off, making their knees tremble – as if his good looks and proximity weren’t enough. He also was an amazing human being, and Emma was extremely grateful she had such a professional and perfect co-star.

«Graham, Graham, Graham!» Emma exclaimed jumping up and down in front of him, «guess who’s been invited to the Broadway Princess Party?!»

Playing his part, he shifted into a shocked expression, placing his hand above his heart. «Me?» he joked in a high-pitched voice before laughing and wrapping an arm around Emma’s shoulders to pull her close. «I’m happy for you, Emma.»

If you think being so excited about being invited to a party many didn’t know about is silly, then you probably never dreamed of being a princess or a superhero or whatever you wanted to be when you were young. Or you’re lying.

Being an orphan, Emma never thought she could ever be someone, that she could even be the face and voice of Anya, inspiring other orphans like her and letting them hope in a better future, something she’d never dared doing.

Stepping out of the theatre and into the cool air of New York, Emma couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her arms, a warm smile on her face as her ears were filled with screams from the fans. At the end of every show, Emma and the others usually spent almost an hour at the stage doors, chatting with the fans, taking selfies and signing autographs. Of course, Graham was the most wanted, leaving poor August third after Emma. They didn’t mind, it wasn’t a competition – _yet_ , because god knew the two of them could turn _anything_ into a competition.

Once the last fans went their own way and they’d told their goodbyes to the other members of the cast, Emma and Ruby walked towards their apartment building. Aside from being best friends, the two were also neighbours. It had been Ruby the one to suggest Emma to move in into the apartment next to hers, and thanks to her savings and her pay, Emma could now afford it without problems.

«I was thinking about the ombré dress you have, the blue and black one,» Ruby told her as they made a little detour for a cup of hot chocolate. «And the only sandals you have. Yep, totally those.» Leave it to Ruby to know the content of Emma’s wardrobe.

At the mention of the sandals, Emma groaned. «You know I hate sandals,» she whined, entering the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts, where they ordered their hot drinks and a chocolate donut each.

As they waited, Ruby arched a black eyebrow. «I do, but unless you want me to take you shopping tomorrow morning before the show, you’ll have to suck it up and go in sandals. In your wardrobe there’s nothing good enough for that dress, which is also one of the few sparkly dresses you own.»

The devil, Ruby Lucas was the devil.

«Fine,» Emma sighed, her shoulders slumping. It wasn’t as if she didn’t agree with Ruby, after all she _didn’t_ have many dresses and her shoes were mostly sneakers or flats, the few heels she had nothing even remotely close to the kind of stilettos Ruby owned. The sandals had been a purchase of convenience, when she kept seeing women only wearing that kind of shoes and she’d been a tad influenced. The reason why she _hated_ sandals was because she hated showing her toes. They weren’t ugly or crooked, she just didn’t like showing them.

_Oh god, this means nail polish_ , Emma sighed internally, letting Ruby for their almost-midnight treats. After the first few months of knowing each other, money between them hadn’t been much of a problem, despite Emma’s reservations, and if one had forgotten to go grocery shopping, the other easily went for her or just ordered take-away for the two of them.

It was nice having someone more like a sister than a friend. Although Ruby had been raised by her Granny, she too had suffered the absence of her parents, no matter how much she loved her grandmother.

«I’m also going to work on your curls, I’d opt for a braid but Elsa and Anna will be there, too, we don’t want to confuse people, do we?»

Emma turned to look at her, swallowing the first bite of her donut as they headed home. «How the hell do you know who’s going to be there?»

Ruby rolled her eyes. «Well, aside from Ashley, who is the co-creator of the Party, Jasmine and Belle are there almost every time, plus they’ve already announced the sisters. You’re going to be the special guest or something, along with someone else, probably.»

The blonde nodded. «I guess so,» she commented, wondering which song she would have to perform, though her mind went straight to _Journey to the past_ and _Once upon a December_ , what with those being the most famous ones.

She would have to call Will Scarlet, the creator of the event, also known as Fairy Godfairy, the next morning. Honestly, Emma didn’t like the fact that it was on such a short notice, but who cared? She’d been invited to the party, that was on another level of awesomeness entirely!

Wolfing down the rest of her donut, Emma pushed open the door of the apartment building with her shoulder. «I assume asking if you’ll come to the Party is useless,» she mused, checking her mailbox, grateful her fans weren’t stalkers and hadn’t found her address.

«You assume correctly,» Ruby agreed, her mailbox full of magazines instead. «Besides, I need you to hook up with someone, and _I_ need someone to hook up with, too.»

Emma rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. Aside from Neal’s betrayal, Emma didn’t just feel the need to date someone. Sure, she saw the appeal of a one-night-stand but there was also the fact that her face was plastered all around the city and even _buses_ , for goodness’ sake. That definitely killed the mood. It didn’t mean she wasn’t accustomed to taking matters into her own hands.

«Seriously, Emma, I don’t wonder if your hymen has grown back only because I know it’s impossible.»

Emma was just grateful she’d just gulped down the chocolate.

They both burst out laughing, not stopping until their stomachs hurt and tears ran down their cheeks. Still laughing under their breaths, they took the elevator to their floor, trying to quieten down so their neighbours wouldn’t complain.

«Alright, alright, see ya in the morning. Kiss Odette for me,» Ruby waved her goodbye with the hand holding the paper cup as she opened the door to her own apartment.

«’Night, Rubes.» Emma mirrored the gesture with a smile on her face, stepping inside, welcomed by a loud meow demanding attentions. «Why, hello, sweetheart.»

Odette meowed again, rubbing her head all over Emma’s calves, stepping between her legs as the blond headed towards the kitchen, leaving the almost-empty cup of chocolate over the island. The white cat jumped on the marble counter, sniffing at the cup before meowing again.

Emma arched an eyebrow. «Nope, you have your own food, girl.» The cat grumbled as Emma finished the cocoa in front of the cat’s big blue eyes. «Nice try, still a no.» It didn’t mean, though, that she wouldn’t get her snuggles.

After a short shower, Emma finally got to slip into her bed and fall asleep with her cat and a smile on her face.

* * *

Will Scarlet was… something else.

Not in a bad way, mind you, but he wasn’t like Emma had pictured him at all. He was funny, that she knew from the videos, but he was also goddamn serious and treated the Party as if it was his child, something Emma could understand pretty well, but he was a whole new level of serious.

«Excuse me, lass, what do you mean you’ve received the invitation just yesterday?»

It was rhetoric, that she knew, but she felt herself go back to the years in which every word that’d leave her mouth would grant a beating anyway as she stood in front of him as he fumed, metaphorical smoke coming out of his ears.

Emma gulped, putting on a brave façade. «What I said,» she repeated, «I found the envelope just yesterday evening.

For a moment, she thought she was about to snap like a twig and unleash his furious when a voice interrupted them and a petite brunette reached the stage. «Will Scarlett, I told you not to trust Felix when it comes to invitations. You and I both know he’s unreliable. Ashley, knows too, which is why she has me helping you when she can’t.»

Belle French was a force of nature and Emma was in awe of her: she’d been the youngest Belle Broadway’s _Beauty and the Beast_ ever saw and, unfortunately, also the last one.

As many people know, the production ended in 2007, but what many didn’t know unless they were in the theatre world or cared enough was that it had all come down to a scandal. Belle had been young and pretty naïve, much like Emma when she was sixteen, and had fallen for her costar, the Beast, Robert Gold. What nobody knew, not even the other members of the cast, was how crazy the man was, how obsessed he was in Belle the moment he set eyes on her. It had started out innocently, many relationships do, lots of time spent together backstage, little gifts not even so expensive, furtive touches and Belle didn’t care about Gold’s age, she just felt loved and that was enough. Only, it ended up being too much.

At first, Belle had not cared about the bruises, they didn’t last much and they were more a consequence of sex, something about her being petite and he a bit too blinded by passion. But then bruises started to mar her arms and one night she was limping because she had “fallen down the stairs” while too caught up in a book. Then, all of a sudden, everything came crashing down on Gold, he didn’t show up again at the shows and neither did Belle. She returned just for a few weeks before the last show, not before it was announced production would end.

Emma didn’t know the details, at the time she was too young, but she remembered how many whispered their thoughts, thinking it had been a miscarriage that finally made Belle open her eyes, a miscarriage caused by the beatings. Belle had never actually confirmed or denied the rumours, and thankfully interviewers knew better than asking something like that, focusing on the legal battle that would see Gold behind bars for a very long time instead.

Will sighed, bowing his head, both chastised and planning the murder of this Felix. He then looked up at Emma. «’S alright, lass, we’re not acting, we’re theatre people and we know how to put up a show fast, am I right?» The Englishman flashed her a bright smile. «I didn’t add you to the official line-up for the night because I didn’t get any response from you. My mistake, I should’ve checked in with you. I’m sorry.»

In response, Emma blinked at him a few times, not knowing how to take his sudden attitude. «No problem,» she found herself stuttering.

A polite cough brought her attention on Belle, her smile bright and gentle. «Don’t let yourself be intimidated by this one, Miss Swan, he’s all bark but no bite,» she reassured Emma, ignoring Will’s “oi!”. «As Will said, we’re used to improvising, but we have time to rehearse something. We can do whatever you want, Will is an amazing pianist, he can learn everything in so little time.»

Will’s cheeks and ears were now red as a tomato, evidently not used to being praised like that. Or, perhaps, not used to being praised like that by _Belle_.

Emma squinted at him for a second, wondering if the two of them were dating, her curiosity momentarily winning before she squared her shoulders and gave Will a tentative smile. «I know people would want me to sing something from the movie, but I brought _In my dreams_ at my audition and-»

«Wait,» Belle cut her off, blue eyes wide and mouth agape, «you auditioned with a song from the musical?»

Ah, that. Right. It’s common knowledge that, unless the creators require it, it’s frowned upon to show up to an audition with a song from the musical you are auditioning for. It shows how unexperienced someone is, and although it wasn’t Emma’s first time auditioning for a musical, it was the first time a song had made her cry while reading the lyrics. In the end, it had been the raw emotion as she performed the song and her powerful voice that had brought the entire table to tears.

Blushing a deep red, Emma nodded, shocking the couple in front of her. It wasn’t that big of a deal, not to her, at least: she loved every song in the musical, each one making her tear up a bit every time.

«Well, then, lass,» Will smirked at her, « _In my dreams_ it is.»

* * *

Her knees were trembling and her heart was beating so furiously in her chest she was deafened by the pulsating sound of the blood in her ears.

Next to her, Ruby was finishing making sure her hair wouldn’t fall from the bun she’d carefully styled her hair into. «For fuck’s sake, you seem more agitated than you were on opening night,» the brunette hissed.

On the stage, Ashley Boyd was singing a medley from various versions of _Cinderella_ , her voice like a dream as her free hand was placed on her swollen belly.

« _Pfft_ , I’m not,» Emma retorted, not denying she _was_ anxious, but nothing compared to what she’d felt the night they’d premiered, when she’d almost vomited on stage. The sound Ruby made told her the brunette didn’t believe her one bit.

In the club, everyone started to clap and cheer as Will hit the final notes of _Impossible_. After a short bow, Ashley looked at Will, sitting next to him. «Oh, Fairy Godfairy, have you heard? There’s a rumour in Broadway! It looks like they’ve found a Princess.»

«Oh, really?» Will feigned incredulity.

Ashley nodded. «Yes! Mind you, it’s just a rumour…»

«A legend!»

«A mystery! I’ve also heard she may have gone insane!»

And that was her cue.

Stepping towards the stage, Emma coughed to catch their attention. The spotlight was now on her, her dress shimmering under the light. Ruby wasn’t an angel, she was so much more. «I beg your pardon?» she asked them once she reached the mic stand, cocking a brow as the crowd went nuts all around her.

Will gaped at her, blinking a few times. «Your Highness! You’re real!»

Emma snorted ungracefully. «Indeed I am.»

«Fairy Godfairy!» Ashley shrieked, «I’m so excited! Are you not? This is just like a dream!»

On cue, Will moved his fingers on the first keys, looking at Emma with a conspiratorial gaze. «Oh, you know a dream is a wish your heart makes, don’t you?»

«A dream, Princess?» Emma asked Ashley, winking at her. «Let me tell you something about dreams.»

Briefly closing her eyes, Emma fell back into Anya, something that’d always been so simple for her because Anya was so much like her it scared her sometimes.

« _They said I was found by the side of a road, there were tracks all around, it had recently snowed. In the darkness and cold with the wind in the trees, a girl with no name, and no memories but these_.»

That first part always killed her somehow, because it was _her_ story, not Anya’s, _Emma_ ’s. Only, it wasn’t Russia, but Maine, and she’d not been a child, but a newborn.

She went on, singing about how the nurses gave Anya her name, probably knowing she was _that_ Anastasia. Unlike her, Emma had already been named, the woollen blanket with her name on it still in her possession.

« _Traveling the back roads, sleeping in the wood, taking what I needed, working when I could, keeping up my courage, foolish as it seems, at night all alone in my dreams_.»

The cold winter nights spent sleeping in her Bug, the effort she put in the shitty jobs she had to take to afford enough to eat something decent, but at night there weren’t dreams, nights were for nightmares.

« _In my dreams shadows call, there's a light at the end of a hall. Then my dreams fade away, but I know it all will come back, one day_.»

Nightmares of finding a family and losing it because of a surprise pregnancy, of discovering painful reasons behind her parents’ abandonment, of boyfriends trying to make her fall for their crime.

Many times as she sang this piece, Emma found herself fighting the tears stinging her eyes. Being too emotional was frowned upon, especially if it led to crying in the middle of the performance when it didn’t require it. Tonight, here, was no different.

Emma was grateful about the verses about Paris, they allowed her to focus on the song, to slip back into Anya yet never actually forgetting Emma.

« _You don't know what it's like not to know who you are, to have lived in the shadows and travelled this far. I've seen flashes of fire, heard the echo of screams but I still have this faith in the truth of my dreams!_ »

Oh god, no, people didn’t know what it was like being an orphan, always wondering why you, why your parents left you on the side of a road in a cold October night, not caring if you lived or died, leaving you to wonder why they’d not just interrupted the pregnancy or why they’d not taken her to a fucking hospital.

« _In my dreams it's all real, and my heart has so much to reveal. And my dreams seem to say "don't be afraid to go on, don't give up hope, come what may". I know it all will come back, one day_!»

Emma, though, had never had hope to give up, not in a long time.

The moment her voice faded away, the crowd roared, deafening her with their clapping as she gave them a grateful and slightly trembling smile, the emotions swirling inside her leaving her breathless.

Ashley stood and rushed to hug her, tears staining her face. _Hormones_ , Emma thought, lying to herself, because even Will seemed to have been touched by her performance and there was no way he was pregnant.

After saying their goodbyes, Emma went back to Ruby, giggling like a teenager as they hugged. The experience had certainly been worth the wait.

Sitting back at the table, Emma watched the Party go on, more guests she’d already met taking the stage and making her sing a long at times as she sipped her drink.

It was towards the end of the night that he showed up.

Well, he’d been there all time long, to be fair, he just wasn’t in the line-up.

«Ahoy, mate!» he shouted, catching everyone’s attention much like Emma had done earlier.

Even though she’d never seen the show or even met the man, Emma knew who Killian Jones was. It was impossible not to, to be honest: it wasn’t everyday that the lead of a rock band turned into theatre after three albums. He was pretty young, but he also was quite famous. _And hot as hell_ , Emma mused, watching him swagger towards the stage and greeting Will after placing a kiss on Ashley’s hand.

He was the epitome of “gentleman pirate”, not only on his show but in real life, too. The way he carried himself, even before Broadway, reminded her of a pirate, no matter what kind of clothes he was wearing, whether they were black leather pants and a long coat or a pair of skinny dark grey jeans and a waistcoat over a shirt, the sleeves rolled up just below his elbows to show muscular arms covered in black hair, fingers still adorned with rings, hands Emma felt the urge to feel on her skin. Her thighs clenched at the thought.

«If you keep your mouth open like that you’re going to eat a nest of flies or something.»

Ruby’s teasing voice brought her back to reality long enough to cast her friend a warning and disgusted glance before Killian started to sing one of the most popular songs of his musical, _Revenge is gonna be mine_.

The show told the story of Captain Hook before and after he became the fearsome pirate, of how his father had sold him and his brother into slavery and how, after a tempest, the brothers were the only two survivors and were hired into the Navy. The older brother, William, would die while searching in Neverland for a cure to all evils when it was a poison instead, pushing James on a path of vengeance. It didn’t stop there, the first act closing with the death of James’ lover at the hand of her husband, a wizard, and the loss of his hand. After that followed “years” in Neverland battling Pan, a much darker version of him, until he found love again in a princess that was kidnapped by Pan’s shadow, making Hook give up his quest for revenge for love.

It was a story worthy of a romance novel, yet Emma had heard it didn’t focus much on the love story, emphasizing Hook’s tragic backstory instead. She wished she could see it for herself, but her schedule didn’t allow it and she just didn’t feel like asking for a day off to go see another musical – or for any reason, really: people came to see _her_ , she didn’t want to let her fans down.

As Killian Jones sang, Emma couldn’t help feeling drawn by him, by his low but clear voice, his British accent sending shivers down her spine and arms. Part of her wondered how it would feel in her ear, his voice low as it whispered dirty things in her ear as he pushed into her. Emma bit back a moan, clenching her thighs.

She needed to get laid, to hook up with- _Oh, fuck_.

«You knew he’d be here,» Emma hissed at Ruby, who merely blinked innocently in response.

«I don’t know what you’re talking about.»

Emma snorted. «Sure thing,» she scoffed, shaking her head. Ruby had never gone as far as sending her on a blind date with someone, leaving her freedom to date or do whoever she wanted, but expecting her to fall for someone specific? That was a bit too much even for Ruby.

«Aw, c’mon, Emma,» Ruby whispered, pointing at the man owning the stage, his dark jeans hugging him perfectly, tufts of black chest hair peeking out from the unbuttoned collar of his shirt, «you and the pirate over there are both single, hot as hell and it’s about time you let yourself be happy.»

People cheered all around them as Killian finished his song, both Emma and Ruby clapping their hands loudly. He deserved it. _And you deserve to be happy_ , Emma’s mind reminded her. Yes, she _did_ deserve to be happy, but it scared the hell out of her. Besides, he might be single, but he also could just not be interested in a relationship. Or in _her_.

Belle took the stage once again, but Emma’s attention was caught by the man descending it, a bounce in his steps as he sat at a table on the other side of the room, two girls sitting next to him. _So much for_ hooking up _with someone_.

At the end of the show, as usual, the guests would sing _When you wish upon a star_ , something they hadn’t rehearsed, which made Emma nervous as she made her way to the stage once again.

Apparently, the world, fate, destiny, _something_ , wanted her to at least be within five inches from Killian Jones because, despite coming from the two sides of the room, they ended up next to each other. Suddenly, Emma’s hands started to sweat as she lifted her eyes to meet his. Huge mistake.

Blue engulfed her, drowning her in unexplored waters she wanted to further sink into. It was like the world around her disappeared, any sound or scent just was no more. And then she heard his voice, so similar to his singing voice but also completely different, as soft as a pup’s fur.

«Apologies, love,» he told her, shifting to let her step between himself and Belle, his eyes leaving her as his warm hand found her waist. Could a person _melt_? Emma was beginning to think it could.

«Don’t worry,» she mustered with a tiny smile, witnessing his cheeks colouring red, the pointed tips of his ears becoming even more so. It was adorable.

Instinctively, Emma placed her own hand onto his waist, her fingers digging slightly into his hip as she stepped further next to him to make space to the others.

«And now,» Ashley told their public, «this is how us princesses and princes – and a pirate – say goodnight.»

Singing with other stars was a sensation she would never forget, especially when standing next to a legend like Belle. Singing next to Killian Jones, though, made butterflies soar in her stomach. Emma got part of the answer to her question: the sound of his voice in her ear was divine.

After the last round of applauses, they all descended the stage, Emma and Killian going on their way. Emma was slightly disappointed, but couldn’t blame him: he didn’t know her, after all. There was nothing to be sad about.

Only, there was something to be _surprised_ about when she reached her table.

Sitting with Ruby there were the two girls she’d seen earlier at Jones’ table. _Perhaps not a blind date, but meddling was something Ruby would definitely do_.

«Emma! These are Tilly and Margot; they’re part of _Hook_ ,» Ruby introduced them, a wide smile gracing her blood red lips as Emma took a seat.

The girl wearing glasses, Margot, snorted. «That doesn’t sound quite right, Rubes.» She turned towards Emma, explaining: «I’m the head hairstylist of the show, Tilly is the one actually singing in the musical.»

«Yeah, well, I’m not part of Hook Hook, that would be quite awkward and absurd,» said a confused Tilly, making a face at the thought.

All Emma could do was smile bashfully. «I’m afraid I’ve never seen the show before,» she admitted, but Tilly waved her off.

«Don’t worry, Emma, it’s understandable. I’ve never seen _Anastasia_ either but I gotta say, that song needs to get a huge amount of _Tony_ s. _You_ should get a huge amount of _Tony_ s.»

«Who should get a huge amount of _Tony_ s?»

Emma’s eyes widened at Killian’s voice, not realizing he’d reached the table, his blue eyes lit up with mirth.

«Emma, of course!» Tilly replied, arching her brows. «Don’t you think so?»

Finally, Killian’s baby blues shifted onto Emma, her breath catching in her throat as their eyes met. Was it possible for her to feel like this, so light, so breathless, just by looking at him? How?

His smile widened, making the butterflies take flight in her stomach once again. «Aye, it was bloody brilliant, love. Amazing.»

He took a free chair from a nearby table and sat down next to Tilly, right in front of Emma’s flushed self, completely unaware that was a set-up. Or perhaps he _did_ know, perhaps… _No, Emma, don’t go there_.

But when Killian kept smiling warmly at her for hours as they drank the night away, Emma couldn’t stop herself from hoping that, even if he didn’t know his friends were playing matchmakers, he felt the same push she did.

As scary as it was, Emma was tired of running, yet the fear of being betrayed, of not being enough was still there, lingering, reminding her she wasn’t lovable enough for people to even care a little about her. Of course, she had friends who didn’t think about her that way, friends who loved her and had never betrayed her, people who made her feel _home_.

Emma didn’t know if she was ready to trust someone else with her heart, nor if she was even capable of loving someone, but her gut was telling her it was worth it. _Love_ was worth it.


	2. Act II – In between wondering why and finally knowing

They didn’t become friends. At first, that is. It was a mere acquaintance, really, what with Ruby being close friends with Margot, which in turn made her friends with Tilly and allowed her to know more about Killian in a not-so-subtle way. For Emma, of course.

No, Emma couldn’t deny she fancied Killian Jones, but that was it.

Only, well, it wasn’t it, because she always hoped she’d impressed him that night at the Party a month ago, but nothing happened after that if you didn’t count Emma and Ruby having a girls’ night out with Margot and Tilly once or twice.

Emma knew it was hopeless, that _she_ was hopeless: during the last month, she’d started fantasizing about Killian Jones more and more, always trying not to act on her feelings unless she was home alone. In her bedroom. With her toys. But that was it. For real, this time.

So when she picked up her courage and asked Killian out, it wasn’t because she had a month – okay, years, but it all started to become much more after she met Killian – of pent up sexual frustration, but because of what she saw in his eyes at the second Party she was invited to.

That night she’d already performed with Graham, singing _A crowd of thousands_ – to say the audience went nuts when he kneeled and called her “your highness” would be an euphemism, they probably had some kind of orgasm – and was now nursing a Cuba Libre as she laughed at Jasmine and Al onstage talking about how Alan Menken decided to change the intro of _A whole new world_ overnight.

 _Aladdin_ was one of her favourite musicals, not only because she adored the movie and the songs, but also because she loved Al like a brother from another mother. They’d lived in the same foster home for a year and a half in Cincinnati; unlike her, he got the part of Aladdin pretty soon, stealing it from another singer as easily as the actual Aladdin stole apples from vendors.

Anyway, Al found love in Jasmine – seriously, what was with Disney hiring people with the same names as the characters they had to play? – and they were now married and still on the show. It was adorable but also a great effort, yet somehow they made it work.

«You must feel trapped inside these walls, we’ll run away just you and me.» Emma’s breath caught in her throat as Al started singing; although she knew every verse of the song, that part made her feel so exposed, because she _did_ feel trapped inside the walls she’d created to protect her heart, because no matter how much they kept out pain, they also kept out love. «Why not escape as evening falls, there’s a whole world you’ve yet to see.»

«If I go with you, will I be safe?»

«Sure, do you trust me?»

«What did you just say?»

«Do you trust me?»

«I’m not sure why, but yes.»

Whom Emma didn’t trust was herself: she _wanted_ to open herself up, and of course was scared of being betrayed once again, but she didn’t trust herself not to run away when things got serious and _too much_.

She couldn’t help but glance over to Killian’s table, tonight too accompanied by Tilly and Alice. Immediately, her eyes met his and she glanced away, blushing so much she could almost _feel_ the heat coming off her cheeks. Needing to cool down, she took a long sip of her cocktail.

Graham gave her an amused look, evidently knowing why she was so flustered and unnerved. Sometimes she hated how much he knew her, the need of keeping her feeling a secret prevailing. «You know, he asked me if we were together.»

Emma choked on her Cuba Libre. She started to cough violently, Graham patting her on the back with a smirk on his face. The bastard.

After she’d resumed breathing correctly, Emma mastered her best death glare, squinting at her friend. «Why would he assume so?» _Why does he care?_

In response, Graham just shrugged. «Honestly? I don’t know. But hey, be glad I’ve not told him we were madly in love just to see how he reacted to that.»

 _Yeah, I’m glad indeed_ , she thought rolling her eyes skywards. God, there was a difference between pining – she hated the word but she had to give that to Ruby, she was _pining_ after Killian Jones – and him having an interest in her.

Because he had an interest in her, didn’t he? Otherwise it wouldn’t explain why he’d asked Graham if he had a relationship with Emma. Unless he was interested in Graham, of course. She snorted at the thought, _that_ would be fun.

«I actually didn’t expect him to be here tonight.» Graham’s voice made her look at him, her brows furrowed in confusion. Her friend looked back questioningly at her. «You don’t know today is the anniversary of his brother’s death?»

Apparently, she didn’t. Emma didn’t know many things about Killian Jones, to be fair, and she preferred it that way, there was no beauty in dating someone you knew everything about because you’d read about them on the internet.

She felt sad for him, such a personal detail left out to the open for strangers to know. Honestly, she would feel _so_ angry, and she _was_ , because people knew about her past in jail, a freaking tip to the media by the girl Emma stole Anya’s role from. Oh, it had been bad, really bad. Emma had sued her, but the damage had already been done. However, many letters had come from fans, sweet and encouraging words that had brought her to tears, words she thought she didn’t deserve.

But a brother’s death? It was so much worse.

Emma shook her head, looking at Killian as he made his way towards the stage, his shoulders stiff and his expression unreadable. She sighed, knowing how much she would’ve liked to hear about his brother’s death directly from him, much like her betrayed heart was a secret only she should tell.

After a quick exchange with Will in hushed tones, Killian nodded firmly and sat on the stool next to the piano. He took a deep breath, a smile creeping up his face, extremely fake, a mask to conceal the pain, and Emma’s heart broke at the sight.

«Good evening,» Killian said politely, shifting uncomfortably on the stool, «tonight I wasn’t supposed to be here, many of you will surely know why. Will has been a good friend of mine for years, my own personal Fairy Godfairy, somehow-»

«Aww, I love you too, mate,» Will said with a high-pitched voice, probably to drive attention away from Killian so he could collect himself and fall into character, building walls all around himself. It was something Emma was known to do, that she still did out of habit.

Killian managed a smirk, winking at Will and blowing him a kiss. Emma chuckled fondly, not knowing why she felt her heart warming up at Killian’s antics but relishing in the sensation anyway. «Anyway, this is a tribute, and Al will hopefully forgive me for stealing his songs-»

«Anytime, _mate_!» Al shouted from the other end of the room.

Everyone laughed, and Emma could see a crack on Killian’s façade, utter gratitude for his “ _mates_ ”. With a last smile, Killian nodded at Will, who started playing. Immediately, Emma knew what Killian was singing. She was grateful Ruby had introduced her to waterproof make-up. « _Where has the starlight gone, dark is the day, how can I find my way home?_ » Emma closed her eyes, focusing on Killian’s voice, on the feelings he was pouring into the song, on the words he spoke as if he’d written them himself. « _Home is an empty dream lost to the night, brother I feel so… alone_.»

 _Fuck_. No, she had not thought he would change the lyrics, but he had and _fuck_ , Emma was going to cry all the tears in her body. She had never wondered whether it was worse to never have had someone who loved you or to have had a family, friends, lovers and then losing them all forever, she had just always felt jealous of those who _had_ a family, but the thought of losing it was as much unbearable as not having one at all.

And then, Killian Jones changed song. « _I’ve wasted time, I’ve wasted me, so say I’m slow for my age, a late bloomer, okay, I agree_.» If there was one song she particularly loved in _Aladdin_ , it was _Proud of your boy_ , so damn powerful and painful at the same time.

Tears were running down her cheeks, clouding her vision of Killian, but she didn’t need to see him to _feel_ his pain. It was almost as if they were linked, bonded. It couldn’t be, yet she couldn’t shake off the sensations she was feeling.

« _You’d promised you’d be there whenever I needed you, whenever I call your name you’re not anywhere. I’m trying to hold on, just waiting to hear your voice, one word, just a word will do to end this nightmare_.»

She heard someone sob, not realizing it was her who emitted that sound until Graham passed her a handkerchief. Though she should have, Emma didn’t feel pathetic, she just ached for that young man whose brother had left him so soon, much like she cried even now for the little lost girl who had never had anyone’s shoulder to cry on.

« _Tell me that I’ve been a louse and a loafer, you won’t get a fight here, no ma’am. Say I’m a goldbrick, a goof-off, no good, but that couldn’t be all that I am_.»

_I’m not nothing, I was never nothing!_

Those were the words Emma had shouted at the woman who’d publicized her file. Before she found her place, she’d dare say her _home_ in _Anastasia_ ’s crew, Emma _had_ believed for years she was nothing, that she wasn’t worth loving. Slowly, she had changed her view on herself, but it had taken years and lots of prodding and loving gestures from her friends to break down most of those walls she’d built around herself. Somehow, Killian Jones was breaking down the ones around her heart with that medley.

« _When will the dawning break, oh endless night? Sleepless I dream of the day_. _When you were by my side, guiding my path, brother I can’t find a way._ »

It was then that Emma realized why she felt a connection to Killian Jones: he, too, was an orphan. Yes, he’d had a brother, but it didn’t change the fact that he spoke of said brother as if he’d been a father to him; dedicating him such songs was a statement. She couldn’t imagine the pain of losing both parents and then the only other living relative whom you loved so deeply.

« _Water flows under the bridge, let it pass, let it go. There’s no good reason that you should believe me, not yet, I know but, someday and soon, I’ll make you proud of your boy, though I can’t make myself taller or smarter or handsome or wise_.»

Emma couldn’t help the watery chuckle that escaped her lips as she tried her eyes, the ache in her chest not diminishing, but increasing instead because _Proud of your boy_ was a song Aladdin sang to his mother, someone Killian hadn’t anymore either.

« _I know that the night must end and that the sun will rise, and that the sun will rise, I know that the night must end, I know that the sun will rise and I’ll hear your voice deep inside. I know that the night must end and that the clouds must clear, oh, the sun, the sun will rise_.»

 _Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise_ , Emma instinctively thought hearing the lyrics. She’d always adored that verse from _Les Misérables_ , main reason why she’d tattooed it on her ribcage, right under her left breast. It had taken her years to understand what it meant, many people letting her down, in the darkness, but in the end she’d seen the sun rise and her world fill with light.

« _I’ll do my best, what else can I do, since I wasn’t born perfect like Liam or you; mom I will try to, try hard to make you proud of your boy_.»

Emma almost tripped standing from her stool to applaud him, tears still shining in her eyes. As whistles and clapping sounds filled the room, Killian gave the audience a small, grateful smile before his gaze wandered, locking with Emma’s.

Although they were strangers, Emma felt a connection with him. It should scare her, and it did, but it also thrilled her. Somehow, she knew she’d found a kindred spirit, an orphan who didn’t want to risk his heart yet at the same time _ached_ to.

She smiled at him, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he lifted a corner of his lips in an attempt of smiling back at her. It was all so instinctive, so scary, so _exciting_. Honestly, Emma wanted to wait to ask him out; tonight there was too much going around, and she didn’t want Killian to think she was acting out of pity.

The night went on, and Emma downed another Cuba Libre along with an unhealthy amount of onion rings while listening to more “princesses”, Jasmine popping on the stage to sing _Colors of the wind_ with her magnificent voice, Belle singing a medley of various _Beauty and the Beast_ songs, a guest that had won the contest to sing here tonight, Sabine, sang _Almost there_ from _Princess and the frog_ so greatly Emma was stunned she was a simple baker. She also felt the urge to go down to New Orleans to taste her beignets: if she cooked like she sang, they would be simply heavenly.

At last, the Party came to an end, Emma going towards the stage thankful for her high alcohol tolerance: high heels – pumps this time, phew – and alcohol didn’t match well. Plus, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she wasn’t much coordinated when wearing heels; she decidedly wasn’t Ruby.

Somehow, she ended up standing next to Killian once again, this time behind the first row. As Will spoke, thanking the audience, Emma felt a warm, large hand on that part of her dress which was made only of lace, no white fabric underneath. She whipped her head to her right, eyes wide and a bright pink shade on her cheeks.

Killian was looking at her, a tentative, embarrassed smile on his lips. «I’m sorry I made you cry,» he apologised, his thumb tracing circles on her skin.

 _Who the hell apologises for that?!_ , Emma asked herself, eyeing him as if he’d grown a second and a third head. He was unbelievable, and it made her like him even more. «It was something worth crying for.»

His bright blue eyes widened at her response. He was about to say something when Will started playing and they were forced to turn away from each other, his hand never leaving her and his thumb somehow never stopping tracing circles as they sang.

Once again, Killian’s voice was right in her ear, so warm and strong like a fire capable of warming her up and destroying her at the same time.

Perhaps… perhaps it _was_ the right time to ask him out.

Emma waited until she’d descended the stage, Killian motioning for her to precede him like a true gentleman. She didn’t wait too much before turning around so suddenly he stepped into her space, bumping into her and Emma would lie if she said she didn’t enjoy the contact, how his body felt pressed against hers.

«Sorry, lass.»

«I wanted to ask you out.»

Well, so much for taking it calmly.

Killian’s eyes widened and his – hopefully, _definitely_ – soft lips parting as he exhaled. He blinked a few times, searching her face; Emma hoped he wasn’t searching for a lie, for a deception, knowing she would, knowing she would doubt whoever asked her out because she wasn’t _that_ interesting, not for someone like him.

«Shouldn’t I be the one asking you out?»

At that, Emma laughed, shaking her head. Oh, he really was old fashioned. It was sweet, truly. «What are you, three-hundred?» she couldn’t help asking with a playful, fond smile.

Killian chuckled, shaking his head. He was still so close to her, his body heat radiating off him. «Aye, some days I feel so.» He turned serious, looking down at her. «Are you certain?»

Emma licked her lips. «I- don’t ask me why, but I want to try.» She wasn’t good with words, not good with emotions, but she was willing to put herself, her _heart_ at risk.

For a long moment, Killian looked her in the eyes, searching, thinking, wondering, _fearing_. «I accept,» he said in a whisper, as if he feared saying it too loud would break the fragile confidence he’d mustered up to put his heart at stake, too.

A smile spread on Emma’s lips, soon mirrored by Killian. «Good,» she said, «tomorrow’s evening sounds good to you? Around ten, perhaps?»

Probably, Emma had thought about the date a _bit_ too much, already kind of planning it, fantasizing on what she wanted them to do. She already had an itinerary in her head, a day for the two of them to enjoy – hopefully – and know each other.

Killian raised his eyebrows, clearly wondering where she had intention of going at such an ungodly hour, but he did something that made Emma’s heart flutter: he trusted her. «Alright, love, tomorrow at ten it is. Will you pick me up at my apartment?»

 _Oh, he’s cheeky_ , Emma mused, her smile widening. « _Aye_ ,» she replied, trying and failing to imitate his accent. It made him laugh, a loud, crystalline and joyful laugh that caused wrinkles to form at the corners of his eyes. A strange sensation warmed her from the inside, something Emma would even call _happiness_.

«Care for a drink, in the meantime?» he asked her, scratching behind his ear.

Emma squinted at him. «Is this your way of having a first date you can claim as yours?» Of course she was joking, she would _love_ to have another drink with him, but she was drained and had been dreaming of her bed since the moment she left it that morning. «I’d love to, but I’d risk falling asleep on the stool. Sorry.»

He shook his head. «Don’t worry, love, I perfectly understand. It’s been quite a stressful day.» This time, his smile was tight and laced with anxiety.

Blindly, Emma reached for his hand, squeezing it. «They would be proud of you, Killian Jones.»

His breath hitched in his throat, Emma could hear it. For a moment, she feared she’d said too much, that she’d made a step too far, but Killian surprised her, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it. «Thank you, Emma.»

There was a moment in which Emma found herself in some kind of afterlife where angels sang and unicorns wandered around. Nothing could describe the way she felt in that moment, when Killian called her Emma and placed his very soft lips onto her skin, his whiskers pleasantly scratching the delicate dermis, and his bright blue eyes boring into hers with so much intensity she would otherwise feel violated.

«Just the truth,» she breathed, her heart pounding so fast the blood pulsing in her ears almost deafened her. It took her almost a whole minute of gazing into his eyes before getting a hold on herself and getting down to business. «I’ll need your address if I have to pick you up.»

There should be nothing awkward about asking someone for their address or their number, but Emma had never had any experience in the dating territory. Part of her wondered if, had she been seeing a shrink about her relational issues, they’d tell her taking the first step was progress.

The corners of Killian’s lips curled into a cheeky smile. «I’m afraid I’ll need your phone number to do that.»

It took Emma aback. «Why can’t you just tell me?» There was a tinge of accusation in her voice, the sudden fear of being rejected flooding through her even if she’d decided to try and trust him.

As if he’d picked up on her fear, Killian turned serious, concern etching his face. «Apologies, love, I didn’t mean to sound like an idiot.» He inhaled deeply. «I’ve been out of the dating game for so long it appears I’ve forgotten manners.»

Emma snorted at that. «I honestly doubt that,» she retorted with a soft smile, her hand still in Killian’s; she wasn’t in any rush to pull it away, his thumb once again drawing circles on her skin. «It’s alright, it’s been so long for me as well.» After a deep breath, she added: «Having your number wouldn’t be that bad, actually.»

With that, she fished out her phone from the purse dangling from her wrist just when he handed her his, their hands still linked until they both chuckled, realizing they had to use both. It didn’t diminish the immediate sense of loss Emma felt inside, so absurd yet too real to not mean something.

Stifling a yawn, Emma took her phone back. Killian must’ve noticed, though, because he bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from smiling. «I’ll let you go back to your bed, Swan, I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep on our date. Not at the beginning, at least.» He even _winked_.

 _Cheeky bastard_. She squared her shoulders, looking at him with an air of challenge. «I don’t pillage and plunder on the first date.»

He raised his eyebrows, his lips twitching, wanting to curl up into a smile, much like hers wanted to do, too. «Well, that’s because you haven’t been with me yet.» Only then Killian allowed himself to smile, a twinkle in his eyes that confirmed he was _excited_ about their date. It made her smile back, happy. «See you tomorrow, love.»

Emma nodded, awkwardly waving her hand at him and smiling before turning around. And if she put a bit of sway in her step, feeling his eyes still on her, well, who could blame her?

What she’d not told Killian was that she was tired because that morning Emma had succumbed to Ruby’s power and went shopping with her.

Emma only hoped her idea of first date wasn’t too silly and didn’t drive him away. She wondered what could make him walk away when her rough past didn’t. Hopefully, she’d never have to find out.

* * *

 

With two paper cups, one of hot chocolate and one of coffee in a tray and a bag containing two chocolate donuts – thanks to Tilly, she had discovered Killian had somewhat of a sweet tooth – Emma waited for Killian to come down.

After he’d texted her his address – preceded by a banter that resulted in Emma bursting out laughing so loudly Odette got startled – she’d found out he didn’t live far from her at all.

Although she didn’t want to be too casual, her dress choice was strategic: they had to walk around a lot, so she’d chosen comfortable but stylish light brown ankle booties and a light pink dress that fell just below her knees, the skirt a bit sparkly. At first, it’d looked a bit too girly, too pink, but once she wore it, how it hugged her and gave her freedom of movement sealed the deal. Over it, she’d worn her usual red leather jacket, which with the light shade of pink didn’t clash.

Her hair tied in a low ponytail, some bobby pins keeping a few strands in place. Ruby had kept it simple, just like Emma had desired; Emma, though, was already contemplating letting it down and throw the pins away. What Ruby didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

«Sorry I’m late, love.»

Killian’s voice made her twirl around, only to discover he was holding a tray with two paper cups and a bag. _Oh_.

«Looks like we’ve had the same idea,» she smartly said, internally shaking her head at her own stupid choice of words. «Well, we’ve got half an hour of walk ahead of us, I guess we can burn both off. Not that I care, especially if there’s a hot chocolate in one of the cups and whatever you have in the bag has chocolate on it.»

He looked at the paper cups he was carrying. «There is, in fact, and it makes me owe Tilly marmalade sandwiches for a week.»

Emma raised her eyebrows at that. Her eyes wandered, noticing how Killian was dressed. She’d told him to dress comfortable, ready to walk a bit – Emma didn’t _hate_ going to the gym per se, but if she could avoid it by burning calories as she ate them, well, all the better.

From what she was seeing and Ruby had told her, Killian seemed not to own anything lighter than a dark green shirt, unless you counted grey and the occasional white shirt for public appearances. Not that she minded: dark colours suited Killian pretty well. He was wearing black boots, skinny dark jeans and a dark blue shirt underneath a black leather jacket. Nope, she wasn’t complaining at all.

«Ruby demanded I make her breakfast for a week before telling me you love coffee with three spoonful of sugar and chocolate donuts.» At her words, Emma was delighted to see his cheeks redden in embarrassment. She wasn’t judging him, far from it; it wasn’t him the one who would be enjoying two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon on top. «Ready to go?»

So they walked, Emma already knowing the way but not letting Killian know about where they were going. She wanted to surprise him, hopefully in a good way. They talked, getting to know each other over the late breakfast they were having, light topics such as favourite book or movie – or musical.

Emma was finishing the last bite of her second donut when they arrived in front of the MoMath. Expectantly, she turned to look at Killian, blinding hope in her eyes, hope that her first choice wasn’t too stupid or too boring for him.

«The National Museum of Mathematics?» Emma held back a snort, he obviously would refer to it with its extended name. When he returned her gaze, she was pleased to discover his eyes were sparkling with withheld joy, the same eagerness you’d find in a child’s eyes on Christmas’ morning. It suited him, and Emma liked that look on him, a look of pure happiness.

Cheeks aflame, she shrugged, sipping the last of her second hot chocolate before replying: «Ruby was ordered to tell me you were a bit of a science nerd and, well, I’m not big on math, but I thought it would be nice to combine math and fun.»

Once again, Killian surprised her, shaking his head and grabbing her hand. «This is _perfect_ , Swan. I’ve never been here before but always wanted to.»

Perhaps she should consider calling the 911 because her heart was doing absurd things. She also feared she was high on happiness. «What do you say, Jones? Talk math to me?»

Killian threw his head back and laughed. In that moment, Emma realized she’d fallen in love with his laugh.

They exited the MoMath almost _three_ hours later, Emma’s head so full of information about math she was likely to forget as soon as she stopped thinking about it and tried to find a logic in everything Killian had explained. It didn’t take much, especially not with how her stomach started to rumble loudly.

«Let’s go, I’m starving,» she told him, dragging him with her; her hand had been in his most of the time, a gesture so natural Emma even forgot it was a first date, something that should’ve been awkward, not… perfect. Almost perfect, alright, but her point still stood.

There was a street vendor from whom they bought two hot dogs and fries along with two bottles of water, Killian insisting on paying at least that, Emma grumbling under her breath. Usually, she wouldn’t complain about a free meal, but that was _her_ date, _she_ was the one supposed to pay for him, not the other way around.

Killian woke her from her reverie by smacking a kiss on her cheek. «You can offer me dinner,» he told her with a wink, the apples of his cheeks bright red because of the kiss.

There was a tiny part of her mind still hung up on scientific explanations wondering if she was about to die of spontaneous combustion. Probably. Definitely.

It was strange: they didn’t know each other, practically not at all if not through their acquaintances, yet they _understood_ each other. Emma had never experienced that, not on such an exciting and scaring level.

«Yeah, you might want me to buy you dinner after I tell you we have to go back to where we were this morning,» she mumbled after her lungs started to function properly again. She really was bad at planning dates.

Next to her, Killian huffed, shaking his head. «Emma, it’s just a thirty minutes’ walk, forty at best, not three hours. Besides, it’s more time spent with you; I won’t be complaining about that.»

If she wasn’t about to die from spontaneous combustion already, Emma would probably start dying now.

In that moment, she didn’t care about the food in her hands, the fact that she couldn’t just grab the lapels of his jacket, because it didn’t stop her from stepping into his space, raising herself on her tiptoes and kiss the holy hell out of him.

It was awkward at the beginning, they couldn’t touch themselves, hold on to each other, but then Killian, somehow, wrapped his arms around her middle, drawing her closer to himself, the hard planes of his chest deliciously pressed against her body.

Emma traced his lower lip with the tip of her tongue, seeking entrance, ready to deepen the kiss, to taste coffee and chocolate on her tongue since they’d not had any chance to eat anything. _Delicious_.

They kissed in the middle of the sidewalk ignoring catcalls and whistles, simply losing themselves in one another, chocolate with just the right amount of coffee for the both of them, a perfect combination.

After a minute, an hour, a year, a century, Emma lowered herself back onto the balls of her feet, slowly opening her eyes in fear it’d all disappear. But when she did, she found herself looking at Killian’s wide, warm, hopeful smile illuminating his face.

In that moment, Emma knew that if she had to describe the rising sun, she would only see his smile.


	3. Act III – With everything to win the only thing I lose is you

There was someone murmuring in the distance. It was disturbing her sleep. She shuffled even more beneath the blankets, covering her head with them but leaving an open spot for oxygen.

The murmuring didn’t stop, but it wasn’t as loud as before. Humming and relishing in the warmth of her bed, Emma tried to fall back asleep. Apparently, her cat had other ideas.

Odette jumped on her, all her four legs pressing into her back and side and a loud meow this close to ripping her eardrums as Emma groaned loudly.

«What have I told you, lass?» Emma heard Killian sigh at her cat. She smiled in her dark cocoon: he was perfect with Odette, and Odette had warmed up to him with time. It helped that he treated her like a woman rather than a cat, or at least this was what Emma believed. There was something about Killian Jones that made everyone fall in love with him.

Ah, yeah, _that_.

It had been almost six months since their first, wonderful date – they had to repeat the experience at SpyScape because of how wonderful it had been and how much competitive they both had been, challenging each other – and time had just flown by.

Dating someone with the same working hours as yours was quite perfect: it gave both of them time for ourselves and away from each other, but also didn’t stress them because of clashing schedules. Whoever finished first – usually Killian, Emma usually lost track of time at the stage doors with the fans – went to pick up the other and, when Killian showed up, fans went crazy, the same thing happening when Emma was the one surprising Killian’s fans.

At first they just spent time together, eating or watching a movie, or even just talking until one or both of them were tired. More than once Emma had fallen asleep on Killian’s couch and woken up in his bed, the other side of which not slept in because her boyfriend – the term making her feel like a damn schoolgirl – was a perfect gentleman.

They kissed, _a lot_ , hands wandering, but never went too far. That is, until Emma just decided she had had enough and, into two months of their relationship, she’d organized a dinner date at her apartment, wearing sexy lingerie bought for the occasion underneath a tight red dress that Killian took his time to give his attention to before passing to her body. And oh, he was an extremely attentive man.

She felt the mattress dip and a deep breath of fresh air filled her nostrils with the scent chocolate. Emma didn’t need Killian to gently woke her, she just sniffed her way out of under the blanket, the light slightly blinding her as she blinked rapidly to focus on the tray of baked goods Killian had prepared.

«Mhm, something smells delicious,» she mumbled sitting up, her eyes going straight to the spread of pancakes, French toast and croissants. There were two mugs of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and cinnamon. Emma frowned. «Did I miss an anniversary or something?»

It was the first time she had someone to mark milestones with, and the thought of forgetting something important scared her, especially because she _cared_ about Killian, so much she even-

«Only your birthday, love,» Killian chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her on her cheek.

_Oh_. It was already October 23rd, how strange. She blushed and smiled, turning her head to kiss him. He tasted like chocolate. «Thank you.» _I love you_.

Yes, she knew she loved him, during the last months she had fallen for him and her feelings kept growing and growing she was afraid she’d burst. The only thing that was holding her back from saying the words was that fear she had that, once she did, everything would fall apart.

«You’re welcome, Swan.» Killian handed her a plate and a fork, which she filled with two French toasts, leaving Killian the other two. Inside, they were stuffed with chocolate and strawberries. _God_ , she could _marry_ this man. She almost chocked at the thought, Killian’s face filling with worry.

Emma shook her head, managing a smile and a sip of hot chocolate. «I’m okay,» she breathed, gulping down another mouthful of chocolate. «You’re spoiling me.» Not that she was complaining, she just never had a breakfast in bed on her birthday before – Killian had brought it to her every once in a while, making her always feel loved.

She devoured the toasts, immediately passing to the pancakes, on which she poured chocolate sauce. Killian chuckled and did the same, their passion for desserts never diminishing. They’d probably end up getting diabetes.

«You’re amazing,» Emma said with her mouth stuffed with pancakes.

«Aye, you tell me every time I cook for you,» he joked, settling himself against what had become _his_ pillow, the one upon Odette once used to sleep every night. Emma inched towards him, settling into him. Odette had wrapped herself like a donut at the foot of the bed, softly purring in her sleep. «You’re amazing too, love. Happy birthday.»

Emma looked up at him, hoping all her love for him was visible even if she hadn’t said the words. She loved him, she couldn’t nor _wouldn’t_ deny it, and although she didn’t feel brave enough to say it, Killian deserved to know he was loved. «Thank you, Killian. I mean it. I’ve never had someone caring for me as much as you do. I-I love it.» _I love you_. It wasn’t _it_ , but the way his eyes lit up made her feel as if she’d said those three words out loud.

«And I love taking care of you.»

It wasn’t “I love you”, but it was a close thing, it was something no one ever said to her, something that made her heart flutter and love him even more, because he too wasn’t ready to say the words yet she could see the way he looked at her, the way he not so secretly glanced her way every time he thought she wasn’t looking, how he treated her with respect and love, as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

Perhaps, well, perhaps words were overrated.

* * *

 

«What do you mean you’ll arrive just in time for the Party?»

Honestly, Emma couldn’t blame _him_ , Killian didn’t have any power over British airlines or storms. But Emma had also missed him, her bed too empty without him. It was so strange how much attached to Killian she’d become, sometimes making her wonder if she was _too_ attached, until she realized the longing, the want of spending most of her free time with him was completely normal.

« _I know, love_ ,» Killian grumbled, not angry at her rather at the flight company and the fact that he had been away from her for too long.

On Wednesday, in fact, Killian had flown to London to supervise the casting of a new Captain Hook for the London musical. However, it had been a disaster. While there were many qualified candidates, it was also true Hook had been built around Killian, _Killian_ was James, there wasn’t someone like him, someone capable of giving Hook depth, this tormented soul air, something only someone who’d known pain could. This meant Killian would have to go to London again, for more than a week even, to train whoever they’d choose.

Emma sighed. «I can talk to Will and ask him to-»

«No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Absolutely not, love: I won’t let time zones and jet lag ruin Will’s Halloween night. I owe him. And I want to sing with you.»

That was the problem: it was the first time they would sing together in public, per Will’s request, they knew the song but had never rehearsed it. «I want to sing with you too,» she confessed with a sigh, looking at Killian on her screen. She had to go back on stage soon, she could hear Cruella finishing her song, and though she had to wait for her duet with Hades – who the hell named their son _that_? – Emma didn’t want to cause any delay just because she missed her boyfriend too much. They had already used the couch behind her for more enjoyable activities that time Killian had taken a night off and attended her musical, coming backstage and insisting he be the one taking off her red gown.

She must’ve blushed because Killian chuckled. «Don’t worry, love, I’ll soon be back to you.»

«You can start by going to bed, Killian! It must be past one in the morning for you!» Emma knew jet lag was a bitch, but if he didn’t wake up in time he risked losing the plane and would have to delay his return of another day. She definitely didn’t want that.

«Aye, _Captain_ ,» he joked, making her smile. «Now go, make them see Heaven, love.»

In a total schoolgirl fashion, Emma blew a kiss at him, which he pretended to catch with a wink, and closed the call.

«Seriously, Emma, you’re going to have to pay for my denture.»

Fortunately for her, Emma had Ruby to lighten her mood.

* * *

 

The costume department would kill her. Or maybe not. They had let her borrow the dress, made her sign lots of paperwork, she now hoped she didn’t ruin it. She’d opted – alright, _Ruby_ had – for a higher pair of heels, and she wasn’t wearing a wig, her real hair twisted into a bun with a few strands framing her face and a headband serving like a tiara.

Will, in fact, had asked the guests to come dressed up as the characters they’d played, or at least something that resembled them. If they were able to give them a horror twist, even better. Emma had decided not to wear the gloves, the charms bracelet Killian had gifted her for her birthday shining under the lights.

«Where the bloody hell is that wanker?» Emma heard Will grumble under his breath. As far as they knew, Killian had landed and was making his way to the Party. Will had already scheduled their performance as the last one, but if the man didn’t show up, goodbye performance.

Emma placed her hand on the man’s arm. «You start with the party, I’ll go call him. He’s promised he’ll be here, and he will.»

«He better, or I know where I’ll put that hook of his.»

_Great_ , Emma sighed to herself as Will slipped into his Fairy Godfairy being. He didn’t need to know Emma had been trying to call her boyfriend for half an hour already, letting the fear that he wouldn’t show up overcome the one the lyrics of the song had instilled in her.

Almost an hour went by, Emma tormenting paper napkins instead of her fingernails only because Ruby was watching her like a hawk, ready to cut her hands off if she even tried to bring them to her mouth unless it was for eating or drinking.

«Sorry I’m late.»

Killian’s voice made her jump and whip her head around. His appearance, instead, made her heart stop beating.

Unlike Killian, Emma had never seen one of his shows, and seeing photos or videos was completely different than seeing him clad in his pirate costume with her own two eyes. _Fuck me_.

Her boyfriend chuckled, the tips of his ears a deep red. «We can talk about our love for roleplays when there’s only the two of us.»

Oh _fuck_ , she’d said that out loud. Next to her, Ruby was biting her lip not to laugh in her face. «I’ll definitely hold you on to that,» Emma replied, trying to maintain what little dignity was left in her. She let her gaze wander hungrily, from the boots up to his leather-clad legs, the red velvet vest over the black shirt that let her see a wide expanse of his chest and chest hair she was very familiar with, the charms he always wore even when not on stage nestled among the dark hair. Last, there was his long leather coat, the one she knew was so heavy he had to keep a certain position. Only when she looked him in her eyes she noticed one last touch. «You put guyliner on.» It should be illegal, the make-up making his already oh so blue eyes stand out.

Killian grinned, using his hand to move a strand of hair from her face. No, not his hand, his _hook_. «Again, apologies, love. I had to stop by the theatre and pick the costume up. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.» He leaned forward, whispering in her ear: «And I get to keep it until Tuesday.»

A shiver ran down her spine at the implied promise in his words, her mouth suddenly dry. «Good.» Needing to _feel_ him, she stretched her neck to kiss him, not caring of the fans snapping photos of them. He was finally back, and she didn’t want him to fly back to London anytime soon.

He sat down next to her, his ringed hand finding its place on the small of her back, the hook set on the table until it was time to perform. It was so good having him there again, his presence bringing her peace even though he was able to stir a tempest in her.

Emma relaxed into him, not caring much about her hair – Ruby had yet to bite her head off –, immediately feeling him circling her waist with his arm. «I’ve missed you,» Killian murmured against her temple, pressing a kiss there. She’d noticed he loved doing that, and she’d grown rather fond of the gesture. More than fond, to be honest.

His words made her smile. «I’ve missed you too.» The fact that she’d missed him, that she missed him every time they were separated, confirmed what her asshole of an ex-boyfriend once told her, that home was the place that, when you left, you just missed it. For Emma, home wasn’t just a place, it wasn’t just New York, but it was a person. For Emma, home was Killian.

In these past days, Emma had decided she would tell Killian she loved him tonight. After the Party, after their performance, she would tell him-

«And now, since he’s finally joined us, I summon the terror of the seven seas – and of my schedule – and his lovely lady. Ladies and gentlemen, please on your feet for the Captain and his Mistress!»

The crowd went wild, making Emma laugh, laughter that carried on as Killian stood, hook in place, bowing to her as he offered her his arm. «Milady.»

Her eyebrows shot up in amusement but accepted his hand nonetheless. «Captain,» Emma teased him, preceding him towards the stage, their fingers intertwined. People all around aahed and oohed at the sight of the lost princess and her pirate. For many that was probably the first time seeing either one – or even both – of them with their signature costumes on.

«My dear, you look _wonderful_ ,» Will told Emma the moment they reached the stage. At his words, Killian lifted their hands and made her twirl around, the light catching the jewels that adorned the dark blue dress.

Emma laughed, bowing mockingly in Will’s direction. «Thank you, Fairy Godfairy.»

«Captain, you’re… fit to be seen.» Will added a grimace for good measure.

«Oi! Watch your tongue, _mate_ ,» Killian threatened him, his voice holding no malice.

Will rolled his eyes. «Aye aye, _Captain_. What I’m interested in, though, my dear, sweet children, is how the two of you have met: a princess and a pirate, the perfect fairytale, isn’t it?»

As Will pronounced the last words, Emma turned her head towards Killian, her eyes locking with his. «Indeed it is,» she confirmed dreamily speaking into the microphone she had picked up from the piano lid, handing the other one to Killian. The moment they stopped holding hands, Emma’s had immediately found the hook, her fingers curling around the cool metal as if it was a normal thing to do. She turned to Will, a glint in her eyes. Not having rehearsed it, they didn’t know how the intro would work, but since Emma _had_ shown up before Killian, she and Will had worked something out. «We actually met here, you know? It was the first time we ever saw each other, but somehow we clicked right from the start.»

«Aye,» Killian agreed fondly, «and you’d think I was the one doing the courting, but it was her who asked me out instead!»

The crowd burst out laughing at that, and Emma shook her head, her smile widening. «Of course I did! I may be a princess, but I’m not a damsel in distress: the only one who saves me is me.» She even patted him on the cheek. He turned his head immediately, kissing her palm.

«As I told you, love, you are bloody brilliant,» he told her devoutly, love pouring from his eyes. _I love you_ , she thought, hoping her smile would tell him what she couldn’t say yet. He then turned towards the crowd, hand a hook swinging between them. «So, I went and picked her up in my brother’s car,» Killian began, turning towards her, «and you were wearing your pink dress-»

Emma snorted at that, the fact that just like in the song it was pink. «Blue,» she corrected him, her cheeks hurting from how much she was smiling.

«Oh, you always look great in blue,» he amended giving her a once-over, «and I’m in my rented tux, looking like a total dork. Ah, it is all kind of cheesy, but… nice. And then you drag me onto the dance floor, and _of course_ I hate dancing, but it’s the last night, the last dance of senior year, and I’m with you. The most incredible person I know.»

Deep down, Emma _knew_ it was part of the song, and though their relationship was real, she couldn’t detect any lie in Killian’s words. He wasn’t lying: to him, she was the most incredible person he knew.

A blush spread over her cheeks at the realization. «Yeah, right,» she dismissed his words shaking her head, «all I do lately is mess up.»

But Killian held her gaze, cerulean irises looking right into her soul. «I mean it. You don’t give yourself enough credit.» And then, he began to sing: « _If you could see the way that you look to me, I bet that you'd be amazed at the sight_.»

«Killian-» _Fuck_ , she was supposed to call him Tommy, not by his true name. Her eyes widened, much like his smile did as he kept singing.

« _You'd see a heart that's fearless and true. From my point of view oh, you shine_.» No, Killian wasn’t just singing, he was _describing_ her, he was… declaring his feelings.

Gulping, Emma swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. «What about _you_? Why is it all so easy for you?» _Why do you love me when I’m such a mess?_

He shook his head. «Man, if you only knew,» Killian scoffed, «half the time I'm just faking it, hoping that no one will discover I'm a complete fraud.»

Emma knew what he meant: he was afraid people discovered how broken he truly was after all the pain he’d gone through. She wanted to squeeze his hand, or his hook, but they’d stepped away for acting purposes.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Yes, tonight was the right night to tell him she loved him. « _I think you hide so much you feel inside, but I know deep down there's a fire burning bright. From where you stand it might not be clear, but you shine from here_.»

Just like a couple arguing over who shone the brightest, they both sang at the same time: « _No doubts, no more fears, I see you shine and the dark disappears_.» And it was true: since the moment he’d stepped into her life, Killian had brightened up her life like nobody before ever had.

Still looking into her eyes, Killian stepped closer, reaching out with his left arm. « _Then I know everything is gonna be fine, because you shine, oh how you shine_.» The moment her fingers closed around the curved metal, Killian lifted their arms above their heads and made a giggling Emma twirl. « _You shine_.» He then drew her closer to his chest, the hand holding the microphone placed on her waist, making it look like as if they were dancing.

Emma looked up at him, blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay as Killian started to sway them and she followed his movements, knowing he was the perfect dancing partner as he’d already showed her on many occasions. « _What a surprise, gazing into your eyes, I swear that I still get lost in the light. No photograph could possibly show the you I know_.»

She hoped with all her being that he, too, understood how much he meant to her, how _bloody brilliant_ he was: Killian was the best person Emma had ever met.

« _No doubts, no more fears, I see you shine and the dark disappears. I'll be your mirror and you can be mine, look to me and you'll see just how you shine_.»

They sang those words to each other, the song connecting them in so many different and invisible ways Emma was surprised she could almost _feel_ the fire burning in Killian’s eyes, a fire that wouldn’t burn, a fire that made her feel home.

Stepping away from her and into character, Killian brought the hook to his forehead. «Bloody hell, I’ve got to go pick up my tux before they close.»

When he went to step down the stage, Emma rushed to stop him. «Killian?» _Well, you can’t just change names, can you?_ Killian stopped and turned around, looking at her from below. «Thank you.»

Her heart started to beat frantically in her chest, knowing which words he was about to pronounce, words she would have to say back, words they both would’ve taken their time to say out loud without that musical push.

«I love you.»

In that moment, Emma felt as if she could burst with joy. A lonely tear rolled down her cheek, making concern flashing over Killian’s visage. «I love you,» she repeated, knowing he should’ve already turned around, so she instead stepped at the center of the stage, talking to the crowd to restrain herself from flying into his arms and kiss him breathless. «He never said that before. That’s what I remember most about that day.» Emma smiled, closing her eyes for a brief second. « _No doubts, no more fears. I see you shine and the dark disappears. And I know everything is gonna be fine, because you're mine. You shine_.»

Everyone went wild, screaming and applauding them and Emma was about to walk towards the steps and go back to her table when something cold and solid grabbed her around the arm and made her whip around. She barely had the time to register Killian’s face before his lips were on hers, desperate, hungry as never before.

She kissed him back, not caring it was in front of everyone and they would end up on social medias: in that moment only she and Killian counted, only them and the words Killian whispered against her lips.

«I love you,» he murmured low enough for only her to hear, «I love you, Emma.»

If someone asked Emma to describe what love was, she would only come up with one name.

«I love you, Killian.»

* * *

 

November had come and gone, and for the first time ever Emma had attended Ruby’s Granny’s Thanksgiving dinner to which she’d dragged her boyfriend. Emma adored Granny, she fixed her with free hot chocolate every time she went to the diner, what she had feared was Granny would pull out her crossbow and confront Killian on his intentions. She hadn’t, but Emma wouldn’t have put it past her.

They were now in the middle of December and Emma had no idea what to gift Killian for Christmas. He had given her a bracelet for her birthday, but she wanted their first Christmas together to be perfect.

He was a science nerd, but she had no way of knowing whether what she was looking for was nerdy or accurate enough. So she had moved onto another of Killian’s passion: the sea. Her moral support, this time, had been Tilly.

The girl had been so helpful Emma had decided to gift her an old copy of _Robin Hood_ she had found and hoped Tilly would love. In fact, Tilly had not only told her what Killian could like, but also made the gift herself.

Aside from a great voice, Tilly was a talented painter: Emma had witnessed her art in Killian’s changing room when she’d visited between shows – it wasn’t fair he got to see hers but not the other way around, was it? – and had found paintings and drawings Tilly had made representing various things, people or animals or landscapes and even a sketch made on a napkin of their kiss at the Halloween Party, the one that had changed everything yet changed nothing.

Emma stretched onto Killian’s bed, finding the other side empty and cold. Lately, Killian seemed distant, something that had never happened before. It scared her, but she wanted to trust him, to trust that he would confide in her.

She stood, picking up his shirt and wrapping it around herself, closing only two buttons and wearing a pair of boxers she found in his underwear drawer. It wasn’t the first time she stole his clothes, and they were more comfortable than her own.

Blinking the sleep away, Emma made her way to the kitchen, where she found Killian bent over the island, hands gripping his hair and eyes framed by dark circles. Sensing his distress, Emma moved towards him, circling his waist from behind and burying her face between his shoulder blades. «What is it?»

She didn’t want to know, afraid of what his words would mean, of what would happen to them once they left his mouth.

«They want me to go to London.»

Emma frowned. It wasn’t nothing new. In fact, Killian had flown to London at the end of November again for another week of auditions, but he was not like this, not so… haunted.

Then, suddenly, it sunk in: Killian didn’t have to go to London for another round of auditions, they wanted him to go to London to play Hook.

«They’re going to end the production?» There was as lump in her throat, tears welling in her eyes at the realization of what meant for them. That was one of the difficulties of being a Broadway performer: relationships weren’t easy, and while it wasn’t frowned upon, not many actors had one.

Killian nodded, gulping loudly. «Next month.»

It was as if he’d plunged his hand into her chest and pulled her heart out, crushing it and reducing it to ash. Emma didn’t need to look at him to see an anguished expression, to see he was angry at the world and couldn’t do anything to change it.

«That’s… soon,» she breathed, fisting her hands onto his t-shirt, as if trying to anchor herself to him.

«Aye,» he spat, his hands covering hers, his fingers tightening around hers. « _Too_ soon.»

Rationally, Emma knew what it meant for them, she knew that a show in London would kill their relationship, if not immediately, in time. But she still had to ask. «You can’t turn them down?»

It was selfish, she knew that, and she didn’t know if she’d do the same, if she was able to give everything up for Killian, for someone whom she wanted to believe would stay but had no guarantee that he would.

Killian sighed, turning around and bringing her close, burying his nose in her hair. «I was a bloody fool, Swan.» He tightened her grip around her, as if he didn’t want her to go away. «My contract ties me to the show. I-I don’t know how I could be so stupid.»

That was it. The end of them. It didn’t matter, there was a contract, there was a fucking contract neither of them could rip no matter how much they wanted to. If Killian was forced to leave, he would have to stay in London for _years_ , even, and their relationship would just… fade away until nothing was left.

Emma knew he’d tried to find a solution, a way to stay there, with _her_ , but now he would just… _leave_.

She pulled away from him, her walls starting to rise again around her heart. «This is it, then,» she murmured, fighting back the tears, «this is how it ends. And _don’t_ try to tell me we can make this work. We both know how difficult it would be.»

There was a moment in which silence filled the air, until Killian spoke, his voice broken. «I don’t want to lose you.»

Emma closed her eyes, feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks. «I don’t want to lose you either, Killian,» she admitted, «but it won’t work, not with an ocean between us, not when it could take us _months_ before seeing each other in person. I- Killian, I don’t know if I could do that.»

Yes, it was selfish, but Emma knew he couldn’t do it either, no matter how much they loved each other.

Killian gulped, his hands buried in her hair, desperate of keeping her here, of _staying_. «I love you, Emma Swan. So bloody much.»

Shock coursed through Emma when she realized it was the first time Killian cried in front of her. It didn’t help quench her sobs. «I love you, too.»

They kissed, a wet, desperate, last kiss containing everything they wouldn’t and couldn’t say to each other, feelings that couldn’t simply be expressed in words, emotions so painful when they should’ve only brought them joy.

He rested his forehead against hers, his fingertips brushing away Emma’s tears. «I don’t want to go-»

«But you need to,» Emma cut him off, not ready to hear his excuses, or anything that would make him beg to stay when it was taking all her strength not to.

«Aye, I do, but I won’t stop fighting for us, Emma.»

She pulled away, looking at him with a hurt gaze. «Do _not_ make promises you can’t keep, Killian.» Her tone was sharp despite her wobbly chin and the lump in her throat. She wouldn’t accept false promises, not now, not from him.

«I’m not, I’m not promising I will return soon, and I’m not-» he gulped, looking away from her for a moment, a muscle ticking in his jaw. «I’m not asking you to wait for me, but know this: I will try to find a loophole. Don’t give up hope, come what may.»

_I know it all will come back, one day_.

Emma wanted to be mad at him, she wanted to hate him, yet she loved him even more. «I won’t,» she promised, not daring looking him in the eyes. «I need to go.»

Understanding, Killian placed a kiss first on her forehead, then on her hand, squeezing her fingers as she pulled away. It was better that way, breaking up without screams, because they both knew what they’d signed up for when they’d started dating, because they’d both thought they could have a long and lasting relationship when others hadn’t.

Because, for the first time in forever, they had thought their love was enough to keep them together. But instead, their love for music was driving them apart.

For the first time in her career, once snuggled on the couch with Odette close to her heart, Emma called in sick.


	4. Act IV - Meant to be

 

Christmas was a disaster.

It was supposed to be their first one together, yet they spent it separated, not bearing to spend more time together knowing it wouldn’t last. It was better that way. Yes, yes, it was a lie, but there was nothing they could do to change things.

Their break-up could seem strange, as if neither of them wanted to fight for each other, but it wasn’t like that: Emma and Killian had entered a relationship knowing one day their shows would end, forcing them to decide where to go, where to search for a new role. They could end up acting in a tour, and that would separate them anyway.

What Emma regretted, though, was she hadn’t fought alongside Killian to try to find a loophole, a solution, _something_ that didn’t involve them having to break up. After the first week, Emma _had_ gone over her contract to see if there was a similar clause, but the fact that it wasn’t didn’t cheer her up, especially after she saw the no-pregnancy clause. Not that she wanted children right away, not so soon, at least, but on day. Unfortunately, pregnancies could happen at any time, and Emma didn’t want to think what the consequence would be.

She’d been quick to banish the thought, not wanting to dwell on what might have been if Killian had stayed.

The painting Tilly had made for Killian still sat wrapped up in a corner of her closet. _The calm before the storm_ , indeed.

New Year’s Eve came and went by in silence, with a marathon of romantic movies she didn’t really watch, her eyes too full of tears.

While it wouldn’t be the first time she saw the ball drop, she had hoped she would be kissing her boyfriend at midnight. The only one she kissed at midnight was Odette, just as Buttercup and Westley reunited.

« _Death cannot stop true love, all it can do is delay it for a while_.»

Emma cried into her cat’s fur at the words.

Focusing on her performances, Emma’s life went on. Her friends often voiced their opinion, saying she looked like a shell. It was true, she was almost lifeless, hollow, and Emma didn’t really care, she only wanted Killian back but knew it couldn’t happen.

Tilly and Margot still kept in contact with her and Ruby, never actually talking about Killian – of which Emma was thankful – but it didn’t stop Tilly from dropping hints about how he was faring. He too was miserable.

It didn’t help. Emma _wanted_ him to be happy, no matter how much she wasn’t. Funny, though, somehow she knew he felt the same miles and miles away.

It was the middle of March, now, just days away from Killian’s birthday, almost a month into the opening of his musical in London and Emma was still there, singing, acting, but not living. It was starting to irritate her, honestly: how were people able of moving on after a break-up? It had been _months_ , and Emma still hoped her door would open and Kilian would enter or that he would be here, waiting for her after a stressful day. She was scared of how many times she’d crumpled to the ground at the realization he wasn’t there, nor he would be ever again.

Tonight she didn’t want to go outside, she didn’t want to go to another Broadway Princess Party. Emma had denied Will too many times already, and the producers had decided to have her and Graham record _At the beginning_ after the increasing demand from the fans, so singing it at the party wouldn’t be so bad, would it? She just needed to put her usual mask on and face the world like the most coward of superheroines.

Emma sighed, looking into the mirror. Ruby had passed her a green and black dress, a nice one Emma would enjoy wearing hadn’t she lost sight of any fashion lately. Around the middle of January, she had found one of Killian’s shirt in the depths of her closet. She wore it for almost a week before Ruby almost ripped it off her to put it in the washer.

Oh, it had been a very rough few months indeed. What she hated the most, was that she didn’t know how much longer she would keep feeling like this, how long would it take for her to feel whole again. Some days, Emma felt as if she would never be complete anymore; a look at the anchor dangling from her wrist confirming her suspicion.

She sighed again.

«Come, now, Ems, we need to go. I promise you I’ll buy all the alcohol and onion rings you want. Chop chop,» Ruby came to stand next to her, reaching out with her hands to fluff up Emma’s hair, the curls she’d carefully styled earlier not one of Emma’s first priorities.

«Do I really need to do this?»

Ruby’s expression was unreadable, yet it didn’t show any pity. Nah, Ruby had never been one to pity people, she was more like an “act first, talk later” kind of girl, much like Emma, which was another aspect that tied them together: they were so similar but different at the same time, that’s why they worked well together.

Emma’s reflection squinted at Ruby. «Add one or two donuts on the way home and we’re good.»

«Deal! Now, hurry up! Graham promised the first round if we could make it in time and you know how much I hate losing a bet.»

Emma couldn’t help the snort that escaped her: Ruby was more worried about losing a bet, especially with Graham, than being late. She applauded Graham for finding the perfect bet for Ruby.

After gracing her with a tiny smile, Emma grabbed her coat and bent down to kiss Odette on the head. The cat growled a bit as she was sleeping curled up on a couch cushion, clearly not wanting to be disturbed. «Love you too, missy.»

One of the things Emma was glad of, was that Ruby hadn’t tried to meddle with her love life. Honestly, she wasn’t expecting her to do it, her friend must’ve seen how crushed she still was and decided not to try and introduce her to someone she would probably simply ignore. Or punch them in the face.

Graham greeted them with a Cuba Libre for Emma and a Hurricane for Ruby. «Right on time, you two,» he joked, kissing them on the cheeks before sitting back on his stool, offering a basket of fresh made onion rings.

«As if you were never late,» Emma retorted, hugging the basket to her chest and popping a ring into her mouth. Warm, crispy and _delicious_. She’d missed them, honestly, no matter how good Granny’s were.

«Remind me when you’re singing?» Ruby asked, not so subtly changing the topic, her phone already out and her fingers ready to fly over the keyboard. Emma wondered if she would finally meet her new girlfriend.

«We’re last, nothing new,» Graham snorted, his finger tracing a path towards the onion rings basket.

Emma was swift to slap it and glare at him. «Try that again if you want to find out what’s like lacking a limb.» Her voice was as cold as ice, just like her stare, but both knew she would never act on her threat. Probably. Hopefully. «You like fries better, order yours and don’t steal mine.»

Graham rolled his eyes, but ordered _two_ basket of fries, knowing Ruby would steal them anyway. «Will you stop with that phone?»

The glare he received from Ruby could’ve killed him on the spot. In fact, Graham blanched and gulped, ducking his head between his shoulders.

With her blood red lips stretched into a radiant smile at his reaction, Ruby turned to Emma. «So, have you fangirled over Nick Pitera already? Did he run away scared?»

Heat rose to Emma’s cheeks. Nick was probably the actual reason why Emma had accepted to sing tonight. He was amazing and she loved his videos and his voice was perfect, how he could go from one octave to another. Oh, she looked forward for his duet with Jasmine; she’d even _cried_ from laughter during the rehearsal, catching Graham’s look of surprise and his fond smile. It’d probably been the first time she laughed since that fatidic day, completely out of nowhere. Perhaps she would be alright with time.

She laughed again that night as Nick and Jasmine performed, Nick stealing her part with his wonderful voice. As time ticked by, Emma caught Ruby’s stare on her, worrying her when she started to bite down on her nails. Not once Emma had seen her friend doing that. «You alright?» she whispered, worried.

Ruby was quick to nod, a fake smile on her face as she munched on a fry. «All perfect, really. Dorothy should be here at any moment.»

Emma’s eyebrow shot up. «We’re going to finally meet her?» For someone so extroverted like her, Ruby liked to keep her personal life private, especially when it went past one-night stands, which she was really glad to gossip – or complain – about.

«Yep! She’s just running late because of work, she’s a vet and someone brought her a dog involved in an accident of sorts at the very end of her shift.»

«Hey, it’s alright,» Emma calmed her down, laying a hand on her friend’s arm. «Animals always come first, and if she can’t make it you can still introduce us another day.»

The small smile Ruby conjured was tiny but grateful. It was strange seeing Ruby so insecure, and Emma somehow knew it was also her fault: Ruby had found someone to be happy with just after she’d lost the love of her life. Truth to be told, Emma felt awful herself for her selfishness, the least she could do was assure her best friend that she didn’t need to put her life on hold because of her. Ruby deserved to be happy.

After one last sip on her cocktail, Emma stood, the Party now coming to an end. Graham had already reached the other side of the room, just like they’d planned. She couldn’t help but remember the last time she’d attended the Party, singing with Killian, telling him she loved him.

Gulping down the lump that had formed in her throat, Emma faked a smile and stepped on stage just as Will presented her as the wandering Princess.

«I’m so excited to have finally arrived!» Emma lied, the mask she was wearing not giving anything away as she faced the crowd. She sighed long and loud for the act, one hand on her hip and the other holding the mic. «It’s been a very long, long road to Broadway, Fairy Godfairy: Saint Petersburg, and Paris, oh, _Paris_. And Hartford, Connecticut.»

The fans laughed at that, her smile becoming more genuine. They deserved a good performance, especially after all the letters she’d received from fans saying they were sad to hear about her break-up.

She was about to go on with her piece when Graham cut her off earlier than planned. «Princess!»

Blinking in surprise, Emma followed the script. «Dimitri!»

Graham made his way to the stage wriggling his way between the tables and the many screaming fans. «Princess! I’ve finally found you!» He reached her, paying his respects with a bow that made her heart clench, memories of someone else bowing before her threatening to overwhelm her.

Forcing herself to stay in character, Emma widened her smile, her cheeks hurting from the stretch. «What took you so long?»

Graham shrugged. «Had to escape the police, train a girl to become a noblewoman, take a train, go to Paris, lose the girl of my dreams, then take said girl to a place called Hartford, _then_ accompany her to Broadway.»

«Sounds quite the tale.»

«More like a very long journey.»

That was Will’s cue to begin, his fingers pressing gently onto the keys as Emma brought the mic near her lips. « _We were strangers starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we'd have to go through. Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing at the beginning with you_.»

What Emma loved about that song was that she could see her and Killian’s story as the lyrics went on. They both were strangers at the beginning, and wouldn’t know how their journey would end, especially not so abruptly, not… forever.

She kept her gaze locked with Graham’s, his eyes twinkling with mischief. But as the music went on, he didn’t appear to be getting ready to sing.

« _No one told me I was going to find you, unexpected, what you did to my heart_.»

That voice.

That voice didn’t belong to Graham. Emma turned around, her eyes meeting deep blue pools that could only belong to one man, the man that had left her and should be an ocean away, the man that, somehow, was in front of her.

« _When I lost hope_ -»

«Y _ou were there to remind me: this is the start_.» Emma was singing by inertia or something: she couldn’t believe Killian was really here. There were at least two million questions swirling in her mind she wanted an answer to, but right now, all that mattered, was that Killian had finally come back to her.

Taking a careful, disbelieving step towards him, Emma reached out a trembling hand. With her fingertips, she traced his scruffy cheek, passing with the thumb over his faint scar under his eye. Killian lifted his own hand, tucking a strand of golden hair behind her ear.

« _And life is a road that I wanna keep going, love is a river I wanna keep flowing, life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey_.»

Killian smiled softly at her, his knuckles brushing her cheek and drying the tears that had started to fall. It was a miracle her voice wasn’t affected by hiccups, and she wondered for a brief second if crying out of joy was completely different than crying out of pain.

« _I'll be there when the world stops turning, I'll be there when the storm is through, in the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you_.»

Emma launched herself into his arms, Will thoughtfully improvising a longer bridge to allow them to allow that reunion to happen.

«I love you,» Killian whispered in her ear, his face buried in her hair, his thundering heart beating beneath the hand she’d placed on his chest.

«I love you.» _God_ , she’d thought she would never say those words ever again, that she wouldn’t be happy anymore, yet here she was, in her true love’s arms.

Neither of them moved to kiss the other. Instead, Emma stepped back a little, catching the right note to continue the song. They had a show to continue, and it would be bad form to cut it off now.

« _We were strangers on a crazy adventure_ ,» she sang, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it. Yes, they’d been strangers on the craziest adventure of all.

« _Never dreaming how our dreams would come true_.» Oh, how she’d missed Killian’s warm voice; not even her dreams could do it justice.

Emma shook her head slightly. Despite the pain, somehow fate had decided to make their dreams come true: they were together, now, and this time Emma would never leave him walk away. « _Now here we stand, unafraid of the future, at the beginning with you_.»

There was no storm they couldn’t outrun, not if they stayed together and fought for their love. Once before they’d made that mistake and it nearly cost them themselves.

They kept singing, their eyes lost in each other’s, the crowd of fans now forgotten. It might sound like something happening in a cheesy rom-com musical, yet it was real, they were doing exactly that, they were letting what had separated them reunite them.

« _I knew there was somebody, somewhere, like me alone in the dark. Now I know my dreams will live on, I've been waiting so long, nothing's gonna tear us apart_ ,» they vowed to each other, promising they would never be teared apart again.

After one last chorus, the song ended, but neither Emma or Killian left the stage, not even stepping away from each other.

«You’re here,» Emma breathed, her eyes wandering all over his face, taking in all the minor changes: his hair was a bit too long, his face hollowed and dark rings circled his eyes. He probably had just arrived from the airport. «How are you here?»

Killian smiled, Emma’s heart dancing in her chest. «I couldn’t stand away from you anymore.» He turned serious, taking her hand in his and dragging her down the stage towards a more secluded corner. When he turned around, his showed his nervousness. «I paid the fine. It wasn’t much, not as much as a movie would require, probably, but-»

«Killian,» she stopped him, dreading where he was going. «What did you do?»

He gulped, closing his eyes for a brief second as he exhaled. «I sold the _Jewel_.»

The _Jewel_ as in the _Jewel of the Realm_ , the last link to his brother he had. And he gave it up. For _her_. «Killian-»

«I don’t regret it,» he said, looking her dead in the eyes, blue irises shining with honesty, «I would do it again. Liam always wanted me to follow my heart, to be happy, and if he’d been here he would’ve sold the boat himself. I’m here, Emma, and I’m here to stay. Forever. If you still want me, that is.»

Mouth agape, Emma kept shaking her head as he explained what he did, something nothing in a thousand years she would’ve ever wanted him to do, knowing the _Jewel_ meant so much to him and making her wonder how he could just trade his boat for her. She knew he loved her, she _did_ , but he’d found a way to go back to her, not caring he would have to lose the last physical thing that tied him to the other person he loved the most.

Being the usual Emma, she didn’t reply with words: she gripped the lapels of his leather jacket and brought him closer, their mouth crashing against each other as they desperately kissed as if they were divers gasping for air.

Hands wandered, caressing and pulling one against the other, the time spent apart catching up with them. In that moment, though, the last months were forgotten, only the present mattered, along with the promise of a future together.

Tongues danced and twisted around one another, teeth sunk onto lips and pulled, quenching the hunger they had for each other.

At one point, their straining lungs forced them to come up for air. Emma smiled, suddenly whole once more. «Killian,» she sighed, resting her forehead against his and breathing in his scent, «take me home.»

«As you wish.»

 

_What’s meant to be,_

_is meant to be,_

_I see it at a glance_

 

Fin.


End file.
